without her i'm lost, but my love don't fade away
by CoreyStaves
Summary: Hook's life in the Enchanted Forest during his year without Emma.


The last thing he sees of the Land Without Magic is the vision of the yellow bug crossing over the town line. Right before the cloud of purple gas overtakes his body he closes his eyes. His skin is cold for a second and right before he opens them again he hopes that he will see the small car again. That instead it will be driving towards him, not away from him. That maybe this time he will get his happy ending.

When he finally opens his eyes it's to the sight of the Enchanted Forest, a crumbling castle in the distance. He can hear the Queen's tears from in front of him as her husband tries to console her. Regina also cries silently off to the side, nobody goes to comfort her. Crying can be heard all around him. Then speaking. Then the sound of agreement. He barely notices that the others have started to walk towards the castle until Charming calls to him.

"Hook! You coming?"

He startles. Mostly in surprise that an invitation had been extended him to join them. Maybe after assisting them in Neverland they had finally decided to accept him as an ally instead of a villain.

"Thank you for the offer, mate, but I'd much like to find my ship first." And my rum. He thinks to himself. He keeps his voice steady, makes sure that he sounds just as cocky and egotistical as always. Even though he's breaking up inside.

"Very well then. The invitation still stands once you do." Charming replies, then turns to walk away with Snow by his side, the other citizens of Storybrooke following them. He turns the other way and starts walking.

It takes him three days to find her. For some reason the curse dropped her off in a small fishing town he had visited long ago in his travels. He briefly wondered about its significance until he silently dismissed it as the curse being random in its placement of the Enchanted Forest's inhabitants. Walking up the gangplank he ran his hand along the wood of her railings while he walked up the wheel. He placed his fingers on the etchings he made with his hook long ago when Baelfire had joined his crew.

"Well, love, where to now?" He asked aloud, half expecting her voice to respond. "We've almost been everywhere you and I. And, before...before Pan, and Cora, and Rumpelstiltskin, and Milah, that used to be enough. We could just run away from our problems and get lost in the sea. But we can't do that anymore, love." He looked up to the sky. At the Jolly Roger's tall masts and white sails, where the sun was starting to set and the moon and stars could be seen in the oncoming night. He hadn't prayed to any sort of gods in years. He highly doubted that this constituted as praying anyways. "I promise I will get her back, love, I promise. I don't care how long it takes I will get her back." He finally lets himself break down there, in front of the wheel of his ship. The one constant companion in his over 300 years of living.

When he is finally coherent enough to get up he walks down to his cabin, stopping at the liquor cabinet and pulling out one of his better bottles of rum. He fully intends to lose himself in it tonight. Once in his cabin he takes off his boots, jacket, and vest until he is only wearing his pants and just a regular shirt. He almost collapses onto the small bed tucked into the corner and leans his back on the wall as he brings the bottle of rum to his lips and takes a long drink from it. The alcohol burns as it goes down his throat, but he barely notices it.

A few hours later when he is sufficiently drunk and unable to hold his upper body up he crashes to the bed. Before he drifts into unconsciousness he barely renders the smell of cinnamon coming off the covers.

That night he dreams of the smile on her face when she first held her son after a week in Neverland.

* * *

When he wakes in the morning it is to a pounding headache. He slowly gets of bed and walks over to his desk taking out a quill, some ink, and a clean piece of parchment. On it, in the top left-hand corner he draws three lines. One for each day that she has been lost to him. He carefully rolls it up, trying not to pierce the paper with his sharp left-hand appendage, and puts it in his pocket.

He walks up to the top deck of his ship, eyes squinting as they come into contact with the morning sun starting to rise over the horizon. He starts to get his ship ready for the journey back to the castle. He would rather be alone right now, but beneath the haggard thoughts of his hangover he knows that his goal will be faster accomplished with the help of others. With the wind behind him he sets sail from the dreary fishing town and back to the cursed residents of Storybrooke.

When he arrives at the docks of the castle he is surprised to be greeted by its two rulers as he walks off the Jolly, Charming with a strong handshake and Snow a polite smile. He follows them as they lead him back to the castle. The dwarf Grumpy opens the tall wooden doors and shuts them behind the trio. All around them in the courtyard the other dwarfs are busy repairing the crumbling castle to its former glory. He notices that the married couple in front of him have returned to wearing the dress that is familiar to the Enchanted Forest, and the dwarves have as well. Absentmindedly he follows the two into the castle, up a flight of stairs, and through a hallway until they stop in front of a door.

"Here we are." Snow said, while opening the door. Inside was a bedroom, with a bed of modest size. Definitely bigger than the one in his ship. Pushed against the wall was a desk and next to it a wardrobe. "You can sleep here during your stay."

"My lady, that is not necessary. I can sleep in my ship."

"Nonsense," Charming but in, "You will sleep here, for as long as you wish to stay here in the castle."

"Then I thank you."

"Good." Charming replied, placing a hand on Hook's shoulder. "We're having dinner in an hour. You are welcome to join us."

"I'll just need to grab my things from the Jolly and then I will join you."

Charming nodded in understanding then turned to leave with his wife beside him. Hook could not believe the hospitality they had extended to him, a man who just a couple of weeks ago they considered to be a villain. He stood in the room they had given, stunned, until he remembered what he needed to do and quickly ran off, closing the door behind him.

* * *

The castle's great hall had fallen into great disrepair over the years, several of its chandeliers had fallen to the ground and many of the tables and benches had been broken. However even with ruined furniture the inhabitants of the castle had still been able to make it work. When Hook entered he saw Charming, Snow, Baelfire, and the company of dwarves and other Storybrooke citizens sitting around a few unbroken tables that had been pushed together. There was an empty table setting next to Baelfire, which he gladly took. As soon as he sat down the others started to pass him food, which he piled onto his plate as he finally remembered how little he ate since returning to the Enchanted Forest.

"Hungry there man?" Baelfire joked.

"It would seem that in the haste to find my ship I might have forgotten to eat." Hook joked back, laughing at himself as he took a bite of his food. Looking at the company around him he noticed that some were missing.

"I see that the ladies Regina and Belle have not joined us." He whispered to the man next to him, not wanting to bring it up with the rest of the table.

"I haven't seen either of them since we got here man. Locked themselves in their rooms I think. The only way we know they're still alive is that they eat the food that we leave outside of their doors." Bae whispered back. Hook nodded his head and continued to eat his meal in silence. Afterwards he went back up to his room, trying not to get lost on the way there. Before he went to sleep he got his slip of parchment out of his pocket, unrolling it and adding another line using the quill and ink that sat on the desk. Four days.

The bed his hosts had given to him was more comfortable than expected, and he fell asleep quickly.

That night he dreams of the way her hair moved as she swung her sword against the Lost Boys.

* * *

It had been almost a month since they had returned to the Enchanted Forest. Hook had stayed in the castle with the rest of the Storybrooke citizens and had contributed to its rehabilitation. Currently he was leaning back in a chair on the back of his ship, with his feet on the railing and a bottle of rum in hand. It was starting to get colder in the Enchanted Forest, so the quilt that normally kept to his quarters was wrapped around his shoulders. He was watching the sun set across the water as a moment to himself while he took a break from the work. Behind him he heard footsteps walk across the deck and up the stairs, he turned his head to see Belle approaching him from behind.

"Lady Belle, how nice of you to join me." She was wearing a red dress, and had a shawl thrown across her shoulders to keep off the cold.

"I saw the sunset from my window, and then saw you sitting by yourself. I thought it would be nice to have some company. I didn't think it would be this cold though."

"Then by all means, you may have my blanket." He replied, getting up while taking the quilt of his shoulders and transferring it to hers. She giggled as he did so. He looked at her in question.

"I'm sorry I just never thought the big bad pirate captain would buy such a feminine blanket is all."

"That's probably because I didn't buy it," he replied as he stood next to her.

"Milah?" She asked quietly.

"Milah." They stood there quietly afterwards, watching the sun slowly set across the water. Then she quietly started to talk again.

"How much...did it hurt? When you lost her, I mean?"

It took him almost a minute to reply. "If I was a naive man than I would probably liken it to the feeling of having one's heart ripped from your chest," He paused. "However, that has happened one too many times for my liking, so I can accurately tell you that the pain of losing one dear to you is probably worse. I can only imagine what you're going through right now, my lady."

"How do you mean."

"Well with the Cr...Rumplestiltskin being your true love and all. What you're going through right now can not compare."

"I didn't think you believed in true love, Captain."

"Well, it could just be my prolonged exposure to the Charmings. Or maybe I'm just going soft." He replied with a small smile, getting a smile from her in return. They stood in silence for the rest of the sun set. When it finally became dark, and the stars were shining while the moon began to wane she dismissed herself and gave him back her blanket. He stayed behind to look at the stars while he finished his bottle of rum.

When he returned to his bedroom in the castle he drew the twenty-eighth line on his piece of parchment.

That night he dreams of her tears as she says goodbye to a family that she only knew for a short time.

* * *

Three months since their return to the Enchanted Forest Prince Charming and Snow White announce the arrival of another royal babe. It's met with cheers from everyone who attended the feast. He goes up to shake the hands of the once again mother and father-to-be. Afterwards, however, he runs to his room as an anger boils inside him which he does not understand. Once there he starts to break down. In the haze of his rage he barely remembers picking up the well of ink and throwing it at the wall, but he watches it as it oozes down the stone bricks and he starts to settle.

"It would seem that not everyone is happy about the news of the new prince or princess?" the voice of the previously Evil Queen jumps him out of his daze. He turns his head to look at the woman standing in his doorway. Her grief over losing Henry had changed her. She had lost weight, and her face seemed gaunt and lifeless. The twinkle of magic and wit had disappeared from her eye. He suddenly realises that she is probably as miserable, if not more than so, as he is.

"How do you figure?" He questioned her.

"That was almost the exact same way I reacted when I heard Snow was pregnant the first time."

"Aye, but I'm not going to curse them because of it." He reminds her.

"Then how are you going to do it, pirate?"

"Do what?"

"Bring her back?" Regina smiles, the first one he's seen from her in three months. That night as he lies awake in bed he wonders if she truly wants him to chase after the woman he's fallen in love with or if it's just a clever ploy for the Evil Queen to get her son back. He comes to the decision that either way it is better than sitting in this castle to rot.

That night he dreams of the things he would have said to her in Neverland if Baelfire had not interrupted them.

* * *

"We've already talked about this, it's not possible." Charming bellows at him.

"We don't know that. There has to be some way…" Hook was silenced when Charming raised his hand to continue.

"Even if we were to find a way to the Land Without Magic, Emma has no memory of us. She would not be able to help."

"So you're just going to give up? While your people are scared and look up to you to protect them? While your wife is pregnant with your second child? Is this how you let the first curse happen? Are you going to give up the babe as the new Saviour as you did her?"

"Do not bring either of my children into this!"

"I'm showing you the reality of the situation, Charming. If you don't fight for what you want, you will deserve what you get. In this case it will be your entire kingdom, enslaved, again. Except this time they'll be able to remember every single bit of it, and it will be much worse than your wife being forced to become a school teacher." He spat.

"What do you suggest I do then." Charming resigned.

"Help me find a way to get back. This land is large, there must be another bean somewhere. Or maybe there are other ways. Get Regina to make a potion that will give them back their memories. Help me bring her back. She will help us." Charming stood in front of him and contemplated what he said.

"And what's in it for you, pirate?"

"Me? Nothing, mate."

"Are you sure? Because you know those memories Regina gave her? Of a happy life with her son, away from all the pain of having to give him up? We'll be taking those away from her, and in return she'll get this, a reminder of the family she never had along with a crumbling castle and a dying kingdom. Do you really want to mess all that up so you can have your idea of a happy ending?"

"Aye, I did think about it. I've been thinking about it for the past seven months holed up in this castle, and I have finally come to the conclusion that I can't live like this anymore," He replied as Charming gave him a questioning look, "So, here's the deal, mate. Your kingdom needs a Saviour, and I need your daughter, will you help me find her so we can solve both our problems?" He finished. After a few minutes of thought Charming nodded his head, agreeing. He held out his hand for Hook to shake.

"Are we agreed then?" Hook asked.

"Agreed."

That night he dreams of her hands on his collar and his hand in her hair and his arm around her waist and how perfectly her lips pressed against his.

* * *

It took Hook and Charming a month to find two beans, one for the way there and another for the way back. When the day finally comes for them to leave for the Land Without Magic the prince decided to stay behind with his wife. They both give Hook their blessing before he leaves. Neal gives his hand a shake and Regina gives him a nod as she hands him the potion that should restore their memories. To his surprise, Belle gives him a hug, her slender arms wrap around his neck to bring his head down so she can whisper in his ear.

"Go get her, lover boy."

He almost smiles.

When he gets to the Land Without Magic he lands right where Storybrooke used to be, which is now completely covered with forest. The others told him places to start looking for Emma and Henry. Boston, Tallahassee, Phoenix, New York City.

It takes him almost four months to find her apartment in the Big Apple.

When she opens the door he studies her face for the precious seconds he has before she likely slams the door. She looks exactly the same as she did in his dreams. He silently rejoices that he hadn't forgotten her face.

Then he kisses her.

And she kicks him in the groin and pushes him away.

That night when he returns to his hotel room he takes a battered piece of parchment out of his pocket and puts it on the table, drawing one last line.

It had taken 364 days to find her. Flipping the parchment over to its clean side he drew another line at the top left-hand corner of the page.

He hoped it wouldn't take him as long to make her remember him.


End file.
